One of the things I’ve decided to never settle for, is being cherished in a relationship. But being cherished is so subjective, so fluid, so abstract, how can I put it into concrete terms such that my partner can understand? While this may seem like a trite thought exercise, it has actually forced me to be brazenly honest about what is important to me.
1. Allocation of Resources
In this world where everything is a finite resource, be it: time, money, energy or affection, when the other person is willingly (NOT at your behest) offering you the best of their resources, that would be indicative of how important you are, how cherished you are.
- Do you get the best of their time, or what is left of it?
- Do they spend time reading what you read, learning about what captivates your mind in order to better understand you, to grow with you?
- When they can only afford one materialistic item, do they buy something for themselves or do they buy something for you?
- Does your relationship feel like a quid pro quo wherein you have to protect and defend your own rights?
2. Loving You for You
- Do you feel safe enough to be unapologetically you, knowing that you won’t be judged?
- Are you loved because of your imperfections not despite of them?
3. Surrendering Their Ego
- Are they willing to lay down their ego and have a vulnerable conversation with you?
- Do they apologize even when they are not wrong, because no amount of ego is worth hurting you?
- When push comes to shove, do they choose to take care of themselves or do they choose you?
By now you may think I am an unrealistic, hopeless romantic. To be fair, if it wasn’t because I have witnessed the aforementioned unfettered love from my own parents, as well as from a few other close friends, I may not have believed such love exists, either. Alas, what has been seen cannot be unseen—to cherish and be deeply cherished is a non-negotiable.