people write so much about falling in love and/or being heartbroken but not so much about falling out of love?
“There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love. Sibyl Vane seemed to him to be absurdly melodramatic. Her tears and sobs annoyed him.” — Oscar Wilde
Growing apart is easy. Entropy is scientifically proven to be the natural proclivity of things, of life. So unless we intentionally invest in time and energy to move towards an organized outcome/goal, most states of affairs fall apart, relationships as well. Relationships especially.
“Sorry I missed your call; I was in a meeting,” she texted after having intentionally screened the call to avoid a phone conversation.
“Sorry, I can’t come out tonight. I am caught up at work,” he lied, as he poured himself a drink.
“Ugh. I’m so sorry but can we reschedule? My niece asked if I could help her with work this weekend,” she said apologetically, making sure that she weaved her niece into the lie so it sounded more believable, and less refutable.
Because growing together requires commitment, intentionality, hard work, whereas growing apart only requires the withdrawal of effort.
Because in Chocolate, Vanilla, Choose, not choosing is also a choice.
“So they went off together. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his bear will always be playing.”
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
Winnie the Pooh
Especially when I am absolutely no good at goodbyes to begin with.
Men are busy, but boys don’t stop growing. Sons want their fathers’ attention until the precise moment when fathers want their sons’.
Us Against You
This quote got me today. Besides children, parents also don’t stop aging. The adage is right: time and ride will wait for no one. All we have is right now.
“Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who couldn’t hear the music”
Nietzsche
In The Alchemist, no one else could hear the music of Santiago’s personal legend when he was pursing it, too.
Maybe, the pursuit of one’s wildest dreams and destination is meant to be a lonely one.
Maybe, when—and only when—one can overcome all obstacles, including their own solitude and desire for approval and belonging, can one fully become.
I am always astounded when I think back on how one person was able to single handedly change the entire course of my life, for the better.
It was the spring of 2017, after months of conversations over texts, I finally decided to throw caution to the wind, and met him in LA. Being with him was easy: we always had endless things to talk and laugh about; we needed as much downtime as the other; we desired adventures while staying fit equally, and unsurprisingly—we never fought.
I still vividly remember the night, shortly after we met in person, sleepy-eyed and half awake, he whispered, “I think I am probably in love with you.”
Since then, we traveled to a couple dozen cities together. He took meticulous care of me: Carefully organized every detail of each trip, sheltered me from all the anguish and tribulation throughout the trips. Often while we were lying on a beach or reading in coffee shops, I’d catch him looking lovingly at me.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” he’d always say, with such conviction in his voice that even I started to believe it myself.
With him, it was the first time I understood that I was enough. That, there was absolutely nothing I had to do, no one else I had to be, to be cherished and loved with such exhilarating intensity.
“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”
Oscar Wilde
Some many years after our breakup, we are both in love with someone else. I am still thankful that, once upon a time, when I didn’t even believe I could sing, he’s heard my song.
How about:
How much space am I prepared to give the person that you are,
so that you can
become the person you want to become?
Love is one of the topics that I regularly reflect on, for a plethora of reasons but mainly because:
of everything I do in this life, I care the most deeply about loving well.
I love to wonder, to ruminate, to ponder, to think, to waste precious time contemplating about what is fascinating to me but usually quite useless to others, such as philosophy, religion, existentialism, meaning of life, that kind of fluffy, intangible stuff.
Ms. C. Loves 