True love, in the evolutionary sense, means peace of mind.
I used to find myself in similar relationship patterns, with: passionate, exciting, noncommittal partners. For the longest time, I thought that was what love was—electrifying butterfly feelings in my stomach, intense highs, and invariable crashes and lows that came with such unsustainable highs.
Until I read Attachment and understood that:
an activated attachment system is not passionate love.
Mature love is actually grounding and safe. Our partner should be our home, our safe haven. Perhaps what makes this new understanding of attachment really challenging, is that: how do we find someone who excites us and anchors us at the same time? Someone who, not only do we share peaks together (those are easy), but also valleys—especially valleys.
Perhaps ultimately what we are asking ourselves is essentially: is this person a playdate or a partner with whom we can safely unfold this beautifully intricate life that is imbued with both sparkles and heartbreaks?