Safe Haven

Healing is not linear.

Perhaps what is not commonly talked about during grieving is: the intense, razor-sharp reminders of the trauma associated with the person you are grieving. Because, relationships are not black and white. You could deeply love someone that has deeply hurt you.

Healing is not linear.

Some days are harder than others. They require much more self-regulating strategies beyond a meditation or even a walk. On days as such, like today, I go to my imaginary safe haven until I have convalesced enough to soldier on again.

On a meadow of luscious green grass, overlooking the ocean and the city, I hide.
Eyes closed, warmed by the gentle morning sun, my heart slows to the cadence of waves ebbing and flowing.
I take some deep breathes, inviting the crisp, dewy smell of early summer to fill my lungs, to displace the anxiety that parks stiffly there.

Her sadness was ceaseless, but she kept it quarantined in a governable little quarter of her heart. It was the best she could do.

The Signature of All Things
Memories are also a good place to hide


Falling Out of Love

Sometimes, falling out of love feels like a gentle awakening from deep, sweet slumber. Bleary-eyed, the person you once fell in love with slowly emerges from reality. You rob your eyes to see them more clearly. Little by little, you realize they are no longer the person with whom you wish to co-create your life adventures. And you are okay with that. Sometimes, people grow apart. You still love them, just not in the same way.

Other times, falling out of love feels like sobering up from a night of heavy drinking. You wake up to your life in absolute disarray: food scraps all over the kitchen, empty bottles, scattered clothes. You look at yourself in the mirror: haggard, make-up smudged, hair unkempt. With a pounding headache you think to yourself, “What have I done?”

Whatever was left of the alcoholic “liquid magic” now only incite a metallic, repulsive aftertaste in your mouth. The thought of having another sip makes your stomach churn.

And that’s how you feel about the person you are in a relationship with, too.

The future you once imagined to be alluring now falls flat, unappealing, even daunting. “What have I done?” You think to yourself.

Some people come in our life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons.

Mother Teresa