quote – Ms. C. Loves

Briefly Gorgeous

Caution: You are about to enter a raw, unrefined, fragmented, still-being-processed post. It may induce great confusion and even frustration. Proceed at your own risk.
I am posting it this way because life is not neat and tidy, neither is how I feel right now.

Cheers, to vulnerability.

August 24, 2022

I retraced my footsteps back to exactly a year ago today, ordering the exact same drink, sitting on the exact same bench, and finished reading this book that I had started more than a year ago. Much has changed since then, though I am still fascinated by the idea of how one single act has the butterfly effect of changing the entire trajectory of one’s day, one’s year, and even one’s life.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, a year is short. But because life is what happens in the little moments, I am often caught in this paradoxical situation of focusing on the big picture while savouring the minute details.

A year ago today, I had recently broke up with my ex, to whom I was briefly engaged. I started dating casually and one of the people I was seeing suggested that we read On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous together. So I did. I brought the book with me to other dates. Is it ironic that one of the dates that the book went on with me outlasted the person I was reading the book with?

While I am not a subscriber to “Everything Happens for a Reason”, I do think that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Some action-reaction, cause-and-effect, and the general proclivity of the atoms and molecules render us here. Though, this would also mean that free-will, may or may not be, just an illusion? Like I said, this post is written raw and unrefined. I will continue to ruminate on it.

Thank you for reading my irresponsible, scattered thoughts. I’ll be back with more eloquence next time!

We all fall prey to nonsense at times,
and sometimes, we are fool enough to even love it.

Ego-tripping

In one of psychologist David Elkind famous researches, adolescence experience this phenomenon known as the “imaginary audience“, whereby they think that every move of theirs is being watched with rapt attention (Holiday). Unfortunately, some adolescence never grow out of this fantasy when they enter into adulthood. Perpetuated by social media and this false pretence of individual importance, some people develop this vainglorious pomposity—posting incessant selfies upon selfies, details of their meals and outfit, and some even the type of creamer they use in their coffee.

Did Icarus not demonstrate what happens to the hubris of human?

More importantly, when did we allow ourselves to become consumers of such content?
Why did we allow ourselves to become perpetuators, cheerleaders, to such vanity and self-absorbance?

Vivre sans temps mort. (Live without wasted time.)

Wildly humbling and eye-opening. I love how nimble and sharp Holiday’s words and thoughts are.

6 Tips for Weight Loss and Healthier Lifestyle

THANK YOU for all your generous support of my writing endeavour! It really means the world to me.🤍

As a way of giving back, I thought I’d start a series on Health and Fitness—something that I am unabashedly passionate about, and have invested an obscene amount of time researching on—in the hope that it could be of some use to you.

If you have recently decided to embark on your Health and Fitness and/or Weight Loss journey but are not sure of where to start, here are some simple, easy-to-follow tips!

1. There Are No Quick-fixes

The only guarantees in life are death and taxes. There are no quick-fixes, no guaranteed rules that will help anyone lose weight miraculously. If anyone were to tell you otherwise, they are lying to you.

2. Calories In and Calories Out

The law of thermodynamics is strictly what governs the success (or failure) of your weight loss journey. To burn a pound of body fat, you will need to reach a deficit of around 3,500 calories. When you have reached a deficit of 3,500 calories, then you will lose a pound! No magic, just math.

In order to calculate your caloric deficit, you will need to first figure out how many calories you roughly burn every day, which is also known as your Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE). This entry level calculator will help you get started. Our TDEE is more complex than what the calculator gives us, which I will dive into later in this series, but for now, this calculator will do the job!

3. Start with a Small Change

Increase your daily activity level by adding a short exercise routine that you can commit to—one that is realistic and not a daunting task for you to accomplish every day. Start with 15 minutes, which is only the approximate length of 3 songs only!

4. Eat More Protein

“Thermic Effect of Food”, or TEF, is the increase of the metabolic rate that occurs from digestion. The simple act of eating foods that has a higher TEF will biologically require your body to burn more calories when digesting them. As a general guideline:

Protein: 20-35% of calories burned through processing
Carbohydrates: 5-15% of calories burned through processing
Fats: 0-5% of calories burned through processing

5. Avoid Drinking Your Calories

There can be a lot of hidden calories in drinks, usually from all the added sugars. Besides the undesirable calories, another hidden pitfall of sugary drinks is the spike in insulin level. When your insulin level subsequently drops from the sugar spike, the dip is when your body sends you hunger signals. In other words, you may feel the munchies (and potentially consume more calories) that your body does not actually need.

6. Change Your Self-talk

Be kind about how you talk to yourself. You are courageous enough to embark on this journey for yourself; allow yourself the grace of patience and time. Weight loss and/or lifestyle changes are not easy nor expeditious. A paradigm shift on this journey will allow you to enjoy the process and make more lasting, sustainable changes. In the grand scheme of a lifetime, what’s a year?

Thanks reading! I hope you found this entry helpful. Stay tuned for more specific workout regiments and nutritious meal ideas.

Change begins at the end of your comfort zone
Roy T. Bennett

Your friendly neighbourhood fitness enthusiast

Our Warring Self vs. Loving Self

The beauty of the world which is so soon to perish, has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder
Virginia Woolf

Within most of us, there is a loving–self, and a warring–self. While our loving-self endows us with bottomless source of love, our warring-self shelters our hearts from the sometimes abrasive and hostile world. Undeniably, both of them serve a critical purpose in life. However, in order to not sever and wound the people we love, we need to be able to discern when to let our loving-self surface.

Hardened by reality, it is common for us to forget how to lay down our warring selves—especially when we are with those who are closest to us. We sometimes find ourselves in heated conversations with fingers pointing, guns blazing, occupying as much physical space as possible, only to camouflage how small we actually feel inside.

“Why can’t you just see that I am hurting?” We scream loudly and hopelessly in our heads. But only in our heads.

So HOW do we stop our warring, raging-self before we irrevocably damage the relationship? HOW do we summon our loving-self amid such blinding emotions?

It only takes a split second—a willful, courageous split second—to picture your loved ones as their child-selves: benevolent and hurt. Hurt. Because after all, anger, frustration, and resentment, are all byproduct of hurt and fear. If we can take a moment to see beyond the warring-self of our loved ones, then we could change the trajectory of the conversation, and even the entire dynamic of the relationship.

No, it is not easy. But nothing worth fighting for comes easy, does it?

4 Steps to Get Them to Commit to You

Are you in a serious relationship and wanting to move forward with your partner but they are not quite ready to fully commit to you? Then this post might offer you some insight!

Step 1. Find Yourself a Self-regulating Routine

Find at least one self-regulating routine that settles your thoughts, harbours your heart, shelters you while you process and heal. Diligently practice this routine until it is securely locked in, such that you can access this safe space for solace at will.

Step 2. Silence the Noises Around You

All our lives, we are surrounded by explicit and implicit social pressure to comport ourselves a certain way. It is important to silence the noises around you so you can discern whether your desire for settling down, for marriage, is truly what you want, instead of what you should want. Allow yourself to marinate in the discomfort of visualizing what it may be like in a myriad of scenarios.

With crude honesty, picture yourself in your old age, what do you see yourself doing? Are you salsa dancing with other old folks, laughing to your heart’s content? Are you meandering in and out of the streets of foreign cities, savouring the sweetness of exotic air? Are you held by your significant other, recounting the adventures you’ve had whilst planning for new ones? Are you surrounded by your children, who are probably adults now, organizing your next family vacation?

What do you see yourself doing? If the thought of having a family and a lifelong partner by your side brought a smile to your face, more so than the other scenarios, then proceed to Step 3. If not, then enjoy your relationship for what is it and what it isn’t. Life is too short to adhere to abstract societal expectations that don’t align with your own dreams.

Step 3. Have a Safe Conversation with Your Partner

First of all, a SAFE conversation means: no ultimatums, no judgement, no condemnation, no contempt, no guilt-tripping, no gaslighting, no threats.

Have a safe and honest conversation with your partner about what you are looking for in your relationship. Keep an open mind to actually hear what your partner has to say. Allow your partner the time and space to process because they most likely haven’t had as much time to think about this topic as you have. Agree upon a time to reconvene and finish the conversation if your partner needs more time.

When you reconvene, RESPECT your partner’s decision, even if it isn’t what you want.

If they come back, wanting to commit to you on their own accord, because the thought of not having you in their life hurt more than any other alternative, then congratulations to your happily ever after!

If they come back, not wanting to commit to a lifetime with you, know that it has nothing to do with your worth or theirs, and then proceed to Step 4.

Step 4. Let Go

Acceptance is a small, quiet room. You cannot change anyone else but yourself. Let your partner go. Repeat Step 1 until you no longer feel the void that your partner has left behind. Muster up some courage. Begin again.

Hope this helps!

His face had softened: as if just being a moment with her had relaxed him, allowed him to be someone different. I guess this is what marriage is, or was, or could be. You drop the mask. You allow the fatigue in. You lean across and kiss the years because they’re the things that matter.

How Do You Know If You Are Cherished?

Every human being needs to know what they’re fighting for. And he fought for her.
A Man Called Ove

One of the things I’ve decided to never settle for, is being cherished in a relationship. But being cherished is so subjective, so fluid, so abstract, how can I put it into concrete terms such that my partner can understand? While this may seem like a trite thought exercise, it has actually forced me to be brazenly honest about what is important to me.

1. Allocation of Resources

In this world where everything is a finite resource, be it: time, money, energy or affection, when the other person is willingly (NOT at your behest) offering you the best of their resources, that would be indicative of how important you are, how cherished you are.

For instance,

Do you get the best of their time, or what is left of it?
Do they spend time reading what you read, learning about what captivates your mind in order to better understand you, to grow with you?
When they can only afford one materialistic item, do they buy something for themselves or do they buy something for you?
Does your relationship feel like a quid pro quo wherein you have to protect and defend your own rights?

2. Loving You for You

Do you feel safe enough to be unapologetically you, knowing that you won’t be judged?
Are you loved because of your imperfections not despite of them?

3. Surrendering Their Ego

Are they willing to lay down their ego and have a vulnerable conversation with you?
Do they apologize even when they are not wrong, because no amount of ego is worth hurting you?
When push comes to shove, do they choose to take care of themselves or do they choose you?

By now you may think I am an unrealistic, hopeless romantic. To be fair, if it wasn’t because I have witnessed the aforementioned unfettered love from my own parents, as well as from a few other close friends, I may not have believed such love exists, either. Alas, what has been seen cannot be unseen—to cherish and be deeply cherished is a non-negotiable.

Disenchanted

Have You Ever Wondered Why

people write so much about falling in love and/or being heartbroken but not so much about falling out of love?

“There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love. Sibyl Vane seemed to him to be absurdly melodramatic. Her tears and sobs annoyed him.” — Oscar Wilde

Grow Together | Grow Apart

People either grow together or grow apart.

Growing apart is easy. Entropy is scientifically proven to be the natural proclivity of things, of life. So unless we intentionally invest in time and energy to move towards an organized outcome/goal, most states of affairs fall apart, relationships as well. Relationships especially.

“Sorry I missed your call; I was in a meeting,” she texted after having intentionally screened the call to avoid a phone conversation.

“Sorry, I can’t come out tonight. I am caught up at work,” he lied, as he poured himself a drink.

“Ugh. I’m so sorry but can we reschedule? My niece asked if I could help her with work this weekend,” she said apologetically, making sure that she weaved her niece into the lie so it sounded more believable, and less refutable.

Because growing together requires commitment, intentionality, hard work, whereas growing apart only requires the withdrawal of effort.

Because in Chocolate, Vanilla, Choose, not choosing is also a choice.

“So they went off together. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his bear will always be playing.”

Waltzing into 35

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.
Winnie the Pooh

34 has been nothing short of exciting! While I attempt to come up with words that could do it justice, I am going to park some highlights here in the form of photos—without captions, because some memories are better left untempered.