4 Steps to Get Them to Commit to You

Are you in a serious relationship and wanting to move forward with your partner but they are not quite ready to fully commit to you? Then this post might offer you some insight!

Step 1. Find Yourself a Self-regulating Routine

Find at least one self-regulating routine that settles your thoughts, harbours your heart, shelters you while you process and heal. Diligently practice this routine until it is securely locked in, such that you can access this safe space for solace at will.

Step 2. Silence the Noises Around You

All our lives, we are surrounded by explicit and implicit social pressure to comport ourselves a certain way. It is important to silence the noises around you so you can discern whether your desire for settling down, for marriage, is truly what you want, instead of what you should want. Allow yourself to marinate in the discomfort of visualizing what it may be like in a myriad of scenarios.

With crude honesty, picture yourself in your old age, what do you see yourself doing? Are you salsa dancing with other old folks, laughing to your heart’s content? Are you meandering in and out of the streets of foreign cities, savouring the sweetness of exotic air? Are you held by your significant other, recounting the adventures you’ve had whilst planning for new ones? Are you surrounded by your children, who are probably adults now, organizing your next family vacation?

What do you see yourself doing? If the thought of having a family and a lifelong partner by your side brought a smile to your face, more so than the other scenarios, then proceed to Step 3. If not, then enjoy your relationship for what is it and what it isn’t. Life is too short to adhere to abstract societal expectations that don’t align with your own dreams.

Step 3. Have a Safe Conversation with Your Partner

First of all, a SAFE conversation means: no ultimatums, no judgement, no condemnation, no contempt, no guilt-tripping, no gaslighting, no threats.

Have a safe and honest conversation with your partner about what you are looking for in your relationship. Keep an open mind to actually hear what your partner has to say. Allow your partner the time and space to process because they most likely haven’t had as much time to think about this topic as you have. Agree upon a time to reconvene and finish the conversation if your partner needs more time.

When you reconvene, RESPECT your partner’s decision, even if it isn’t what you want.

If they come back, wanting to commit to you on their own accord, because the thought of not having you in their life hurt more than any other alternative, then congratulations to your happily ever after!

If they come back, not wanting to commit to a lifetime with you, know that it has nothing to do with your worth or theirs, and then proceed to Step 4.

Step 4. Let Go

Acceptance is a small, quiet room. You cannot change anyone else but yourself. Let your partner go. Repeat Step 1 until you no longer feel the void that your partner has left behind. Muster up some courage. Begin again.

Hope this helps!

His face had softened: as if just being a moment with her had relaxed him, allowed him to be someone different. I guess this is what marriage is, or was, or could be. You drop the mask. You allow the fatigue in. You lean across and kiss the years because they’re the things that matter.

How Do You Know If You Are Cherished?

Every human being needs to know what they’re fighting for. And he fought for her.

A Man Called Ove

One of the things I’ve decided to never settle for, is being cherished in a relationship. But being cherished is so subjective, so fluid, so abstract, how can I put it into concrete terms such that my partner can understand? While this may seem like a trite thought exercise, it has actually forced me to be brazenly honest about what is important to me.

1. Allocation of Resources

In this world where everything is a finite resource, be it: time, money, energy or affection, when the other person is willingly (NOT at your behest) offering you the best of their resources, that would be indicative of how important you are, how cherished you are.

For instance,

  • Do you get the best of their time, or what is left of it?
  • Do they spend time reading what you read, learning about what captivates your mind in order to better understand you, to grow with you?
  • When they can only afford one materialistic item, do they buy something for themselves or do they buy something for you?
  • Does your relationship feel like a quid pro quo wherein you have to protect and defend your own rights?

2. Loving You for You

  • Do you feel safe enough to be unapologetically you, knowing that you won’t be judged?
  • Are you loved because of your imperfections not despite of them?

3. Surrendering Their Ego

  • Are they willing to lay down their ego and have a vulnerable conversation with you?
  • Do they apologize even when they are not wrong, because no amount of ego is worth hurting you?
  • When push comes to shove, do they choose to take care of themselves or do they choose you?

By now you may think I am an unrealistic, hopeless romantic. To be fair, if it wasn’t because I have witnessed the aforementioned unfettered love from my own parents, as well as from a few other close friends, I may not have believed such love exists, either. Alas, what has been seen cannot be unseen—to cherish and be deeply cherished is a non-negotiable.

Friends that know you need some TLC🤍