Life seems to have its own momentum and once the pendulum starts swinging, there’s little to no stopping it.
I guess the pendulum started swinging for me sometime last winter, the winter of 2016.
It was a rough winter. Not only was the weather mercilessly cold and wet, I had also lost Frankie (my cat) and my relationship—one that I wholeheartedly wanted to be the ‘next chapter of my life’.
The combination of the aforementioned factors made life quite unbearable for me. Waking up alone, without the cuddles of Frank and my ex, made me dread the Vancouver winter even more. I soon found myself sad and feeling hopelessly trapped.
They say that the older one gets, the more scared one becomes—this was (and still is) true for me. Some 7 years ago, in 2010, I excitedly packed what little belongings I had and moved to London. I had practically nothing to lose and the move felt like the perfect logical decision to make (and the fact that I always felt I was an European girl at heart probably helped). But 7 years later, I don’t know where that courage had gone. Moving out of Vancouver suddenly seemed like a daunting task. I have investments, friends, my sister, a stable job, and way too much furniture here. How could I just up and leave? Instead of the ‘nothing to lose’ mentality, I was infected with the ‘every thing to lose’ mentality.
But like I said, life has a momentum of its own. After a sequence of events, it looks like I will be moving out of here shortly.
And the brain is strange; once my days in Vancouver are numbered, every thing seems a lot more bearable, even the incessant torrential downpour. The thought of this being potentially the last fall and winter in Vancouver for who-knows-how-long supersedes my annoyance towards the weather, and softens my heart.